Okay, so, I'm a total newbie on these forums. So hi everyone!
I decided to register and look for help/advice from people who are foreign to my situation and hopefully have a more positive way of looking at things.

This will be long, so I apologise in advance and please bear with me.

First, some background info: I'm 24 years old and my partner is 25. I grew up with my parents (they're still together) but my father was very absent during my childhood. My partner lived with his parents until he was 6, when they divorced. His mother has always suffered from a few mental issues and his father only showed affection through giving him material things. He has no interest whatsoever for his son and will often make remarks as to how he should dress and keep his face shaved.

So I met my partner in 2011 on the internet. We became good friends and eventually decided to meet in person after a few months of daily contact. We already liked each other by that time but were too shy to step up. However, he would often take me out and things eventually evolved.

We started dating, and about one month after that he asked me to be his girlfriend, officially. I said yes. This was in January (2012). On that same month, I was offered the opportunity to travel to the US, and I visited Los Angeles for a week. It was amazing. After two weeks of my return, I started falling into depression... and I fell hard and deep.
(We weren't at our best when we decided to be together. I was in an unhealthy pattern of moving from partner to partner - having lost my identity a few years ago from a 3 year relationship that sucked all my soul out of me, and he had just been cheated on.)

So this man decided he would take care of me and help me go through this depression. What he didn't know is that he would be doing it for a whole year, because this depression was the result of some problems in my childhood and 10 years of several events that happened in my life (the possibility of losing my mom to cancer, suffering sexual abuse and humiliation by a so called friend, a depression that never got cured due to it, losing most of my friends, losing my identity, giving myself up to anyone in desperate need of love and security).

So after the depression settled in, the fights started. I would snap at anything he would, or wouldn't do. I was jealous, selfish, arrogant, cold, distant, needy, insecure. I needed him the most, and at the same time pushed him away. But he never left, which doesn't mean he didn't get tired of it eventually. Let me remind you this went on for a whole year. We had good memories, but few.

I went into therapy, and started making very small progress, but the problems were all still there. The mistakes, the broken promises I would make so that he wouldn't leave (although I know I couldn't do what I promised). He was obviously hurt, tired, and going down as well. In the last few months, he started telling me I'm a disappointment because of all the promises I had made that meant nothing because I wouldn't even try to get better or do something for myself (I was unemployed and didn't want to look for a job, so I stayed home everyday for him to come home to a negative, depressed girlfriend.)

So, last February, he finally broke up with me (after many warnings from him and even more promises from me so he wouldn't leave), saying he couldn't take it anymore, despite all the love he felt for me (he told me he loved me every. single. day. and would generally treat me like a princess).

Despite all the troubled, we were crazy about each other.

I didn't know how to react when he left me. I cried and tried to change his mind, but quickly gathered my stuff and went back to my parents'. I had to make a decision now: I'd either stay in bed dwelling deeper into my self-pity and negativity, or I'd just do something for myself without giving it too much thought. So I did, I got a job. I was so tired of depression.

Meanwhile, I was trying to get over him, hopeless that he would ever come back, because despite keeping contact with me, he started getting very angry and snapping at me for any reason. He treated me quite unfairly, even said a few harsh things to our friends and that only convinced me it was, in fact, over. I was deeply hurt. In fact, I was disappointed that he was acting like that now and being a complete jerk to me and about me.

One night, a friend of mine came on chat and told me that despite all the things he'd done, he truly liked me and cared for me. He talked to her in hopes that I would talk to him, because he had no way to contact me directly: I'd blocked him everywhere to stop any kind of contact so it could be easier for me.

I accepted talking to him a few days later and we met. He apologised for all the harsh things he ever said to me, and for the first time ever, admitted the wrong things he'd done in the relationship. He said that he would like to go out and have fun with me, and get back together, although he wanted to take it slow. I eventually said yes.

Now, what concerns me: I have a hard time trusting him after the harsh things he would say when we were together (I still obsess over how he might still think I'm a disappointment and inferior) and the things he said after we broke up.

We didn't make it official and I worried about that because he doesn't want to do that for now. I talked to him about it, and he said we have the commitment (and he wants it) but he doesn't think the time his right to ask me officially to be his girlfriend. He said we should worry about taking care of our personal issues now, taking it slow. However, he acknowledges I'm his partner.

A few things changed, and that's what's been making me more anxious and insecure: now he doesn't just want to go out with me, he wants to go out with his friends (something he wouldn't do because most of his friends aren't close). Yes, I realise this might be selfish and I might be overreacting... but some of these few friends are girls and I always worry they might be prettier or more interesting than me.
He doesn't seem to be as affectionate/caring/attentive as he used to be. However when we're together he always returns my affection. He said that doesn't mean anything, it just means he's more relaxed in the relationship because he doesn't have to worry about taking care of the depressed me anymore. Before the break up I'd tell him several times I loved being taken care of, but he didn't need to lose his sanity over my depression (although that will always happen when you love someone).

So, I'm extremely insecure. I obsess over how he probably doesn't like me that much and just doesn't want to be alone (although, frankly and thinking logically, that makes no sense because I'm high maintenance and he had the first experience - why repeat it a second time?). I obsess over the fact that now he likes pictures of some girls on tumblr (the blogging site). I obsess over the fact that now he's not all over me anymore as he used to, and that he's obviously more free and relaxed now.

We had a "fight" through e-mail two nights ago (stupid, especially because we seldomly fight in person - only online) and he got really mad. He told me to just cut the ******** and tell him what I want to do. If I'll just relax and have a normal relationship with him because everything's fine when we're together, or if I'm going to waste his time and efforts again.

I also think it's important to say that I act like this with everyone, eventually. When people are getting to know me, I'm a fun and mildly confident person. I'm great to be around, but once I let them in... I'm insecure, sometimes jealous, I have plenty of relationship anxiety, fear of abandonment, and I create scenarios in my head about how everyone will eventually deceive and hurt me intentionally, and finally leave.

So, my main concerns to sum it up:

• I'm not the center of his attention anymore, and that makes me insecure;
• He doesn't say he loves me anymore; just that he likes or adores me, sometimes but not nearly as often as before;
• Sometimes when I try to talk to him about this he gets angry because he keeps telling me the same things over and over and is tired;
• I have a hard time trusting him after the things he said... but he's never given me any other reasons not to trust him;
• After breaking up with me and especially after the things he said, my family and friends now don't like him. They used to, but not anymore. This is a huge concern to me, because I've been seeing him secretly and I hate lying to people;
• When I told him I miss the way he used to be (more caring/attentive/affectionate/kind) he said I would have to go back to who I was when he met me if I want to see his old self again...
• I want to be okay with him, we never had a peaceful relationship due to my depression and fighting. At the same time I'm wondering if I should just walk away, or do the opposite of what my fear tells me and stay.

/sigh

Hopefully I can get some logical thinking from everyone else, as I actually struggle to be able to. If I just let my emotions run wild, I'll act like a lunatic.