Quote:
Originally Posted by silenthill
My MD said again today that i need to forgive my ex T, i understand that forgiving,but never forget,and forgiving doesn't mean what the person did was not wrong,,and i say, i can't forgive my self so how can i forgive ex T, and ex T doesn't need me to forgive her,after all she says i'm the one that planed all this,just to take her down( nice to know i have that power) so Would you or could you forgive if this was your ex T
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I think there are different ways to look at forgiveness. You could forgive in the sense that you're willing to let go of all the anger and hurt that it caused because you don't want to let your xT have that type of control of your life for a moment longer.
You could also look at it from the perspective that what happened has happened, and you did your best in the situation and you're ready to move forward with the lessons and knowledge you've gained to help you in the future.
You don't have to forgive the T's actions to move on, in my opinion. It's more about forgiving yourself or letting yourself off the hook for all the feelings that the situation has brought up for you.
I still think that I was seriously wronged by a former T. I can't do anything to fix it and he'll go around thinking he was completely in the right. The hurt from the whole situation is still with me, but it is very muted now because I decided that I would take the lessons I learned and move on. I didn't want to be held hostage by the situation any longer.
It took me a long time though, and I was not wronged in a similar situation to you. It probably took me a good 2 years to really let go.
It will take time, but your intense feelings will eventually fade as you find a type of forgiveness.