I feel lonely and isolated not because I am always physically alone in fact most of the time I am not because I live at my moms house with 4 other people, or I go to visit my dad aside from that I am either home alone or out and about alone....but no one really gets where I'm coming from.

My family loves me but they aren't very supportive at least not in the right ways about the issues I have...or there just isn't much they can do. Part of it is all the bullying and ostracism I faced at school growing up I just never really got the chance to develop any self confidence or sense of self worth....so I am not the most self directed when it comes to knowing how to change that or even how to develop some sort of support network of people who can help or at least are understanding and not overly critical........but I feel I am probably expecting too much by wanting that. But I can't think of any way to enjoy feeling so isolated and alone I mean I can't help thinking it doesn't really matter even if my over-all life improved some like I was able to get my own apartment and be more self sufficient it wouldn't be worth it if I'm doomed to feeling so isolated.

I hate feeling like no one cares when I know people in my family care, and I don't even know how to communicate in a non-hurtful way their caring isn't enough to make me feel better or make my problems go away. They also seem to think all I have to do is quit worrying and do what I have to do and get irritated when I look for advice because they think I am making things more complicated than they are. As you can see this sort of mis-communication gets in the way of any real support they maybe could offer. Its all so confusing, I am aware finding supportive people or changing up my living situation to have more space from my family so I don't concern myself with what all they might think or how they aren't understanding anything would help......but I don't have the resources to do it, and even if I get on SSI I am still not going to be doing to great financially so not sure moving out would be an option even then....and in order to not end up doing stupid things over feeling down on myself and lonely I probably need a service dog(since I lack the support network thats vital to recovory I always read about in the mental health media) but apparently getting one for psych issues that's an actual service dog and not ESA is difficult if not impossible based on what I've found on the internet.

Also in case its not obvious I am very intimidated by the idea of just going for it and putting myself out there....I can't cope well with it all on my own, yet that tends to be my only option so naturally I am afraid of things going wrong and overwhelming me and ending up injured, dead or in the psych ward all because I just can't do it on my own without proper support I have tried I either get suicidal or otherwise self destructive and stop caring about my well-being. but then what good am I if I need other peoples support? I'm 23 I should have already developed a bunch of self help skills and the confidence to cope and still make the most out of life. I mean I am a reasonable age for having kids and I can hardly handle myself with my mental state...not that I'd want to be a parent but it still is a little weird reading about people my age with kids and a bunch more responsibilities dealing with mental health issues on top of it all and I feel I have no valid reason to complain when I'm just a loser that still lives at their moms house with no life. In agruments that is one point family members like to bring up....that I don't do much so how can I possibly be so stressed.' and I get sick of then trying to explain my mental issues again only to get 'well maybe you're dwelling on it a little too much.'

Just seems like a never ending cycle of hopelessness