I'm starting to be open about my clinical depression (pre dx. bipolar) with friends and family because I want all the moral support that I can get. I get delusional and question everything I do and say so I want friends and family to bring me back to reality when this happens.

But everytime I tell them this they keep telling me that they don't believe I'm bipolar nor suffer from depression.

My sister said that I just need to refocus my life and get a new direction after I told her that I took classes and decided to drop them halfway through because I didn't find the motivation to go anymore. I love school. How can someone who loves school so much decided to just drop-out for no reason?!?

My friend, J, told me that these feelings are normal. Seriously??? Feeling like going crazy, crying for no reason, apathy nearly everyday for no apparent reason for 2 years is normal?!?!?

Then... my friend, T, who told me to be wary of pdoc and medication. She preached to me about religion how it bans SI. Hmm... hello.... how can you tell me the devil put these thoughts in my head?!?!? You can't control depression. If there's a way... don't you think I'll be the first in line?!?!

Why am I fighting to convince them that I have depression?? Why is it too much to ask for moral support having admittedly saying that... yes, I am suicidal or that I'm not as perfect as you think??? It wasn't easy for me to "come out".

I feel so alienated and isolated now more than ever. I'm angry... so very angry that friends and family are being judgmental... that they think I am incapable to know the difference between what's normal and not!!!

Do they honestly think that I went to a pdoc because I have the blues for the first time in my life?!? Seriously?!? Knowing me, who they always commend for having high intelligence, wise, and logical, suddenly I'm being conned by a psychiatrist???

I'm so tired of explaining to people and argue with them. In my condition... I want and need support from the people who are close to me but instead I'm getting angry comments, funny looks, and getting into arguments.
Do you argue with someone who tells you that you have AIDS or cancer or high cholesterol???

I know how depression feels and it sucks; the difference between depression and just "feeling down". I don't want to be depressed. If I can be hypomanic everyday... I would. In fact, I asked my pdoc to prescribe me anti-depressant just so. (of course, being a good doc that he is... he advised against it. How is it that I find a great pdoc on first try?!?)
What do I have to do or say to convince these people?? Don't they know that symptoms of depression include the feeling that they are inadequate, hopeless, pessimistic, feeling of lack of support, and overburdening family and friends. Don't they know that these feelings and thoughts lead a depressed ppl into a SI mode?? How is their reaction help me from preventing my symptoms to appear and drive me off the edge?!??

Ok... phew... still complaining just too tired to write them down.