Rapunzel, thanks for your time. I personally, visited with Mr. Wonderful this past Saturday. He often tells that he would do anything to get a second chance. He tells that it makes him sick to think about what he did to my 'helpless' child (helpless is the word he used). He told me that he is in therapy and is taking some sort of antidepressant (not prozac but lexapro). He does drink everyday; that I'm certain of. He confessed that he used to 'get mean' if he was drinking liquor and was now concerned if beer was having the same effect.

I've explained everything to my T. I haven't directly asked if I should or should not give him a second chance and I really want to hear another opinion. Personally, I WOULD NOT be able to forgive myself if some time down the road, a similiar incident would occur.

My youngest is by far the sweetest and most manageable child I've ever been around. sometimes he actually wines to go to bed (he is on a religious routine and barely cries!)

I'm losing my point here. . .

Mr Wonderful has told me several times that he is sorry and would understand if I and/or my mother would never forgive him and give him a second chance. then he tells me how much he loves me, blah, blah, blah. Then I understand the feelings I have for him. I've never this physically attracted or mentally attracted. He has a great job, wonderful children, and a wonderful sense of humor. The only thing that I would have problem with is the fact that his family (mother and sisters) cleans his house, does his laundry, and helps him remember important school events.

I need someone who can handle being on a 50/50 team.

Then, after all of my 'I want him's' I recall my past. I have been beaten. I've been sent to an ER. My every waking moment was to be accounted for. I was chased down and tackled to the ground after someone felt I was paying too much attention to the opposite sex. I was thrown to the ground, punched in the face infront of a school bus driver (who did nothing) after my bus returned from a game and I was talking to a male friend from church youth group. I was actually snatched by the hair and dragged off the bus to his car. After I was standing by his car, the driver asked if I was 'ok', to which I replied, 'yes'. (what else was I going to say??) At which point, my 'boyfriend, grabbed my hair again to pull me into his car and punched me several times in the face.

So, I know all too well the 'honeymoon' period. Each time he (the old boyfriend who used to hit me) told me that he was sorry, it really sounded sincere; this is the cause for my reservation regarding Mr. Wonderful.

I have been abused by a past boyfriend. My step-father (obvisously my mother's new husband) pushed me down the hallway and kicked me repeatedly after I ran away from home (he was pulling back the curtains as I showered; they are still married).

I know how good and convincing it is when the abuser wants to ask for forgiveness. I know that I'm a sucker each time. I think that I'm hoping that it is because another person has caused this issue and not me. I want so much for someone to hear all my 'secrets' and still find me attractive or wanted or worthy.

Do I cling to the bad because it is what I know best?

Is Mr. Wonderful truely deserving of another chance?

I have no idea. . . should I accept the attention of a man who wants me to be his wife (from florida)?

Do I 'try' to get rid of Mr. Florida because I still have feelings for my ex-husband (I still love my ex-husband)

I duuno. .. I'm just yacking and yacking.... I need too stop.

For those who read the whole thing; thanks for sticking in there.....

I wish we could meet in person; I always paint the 'perfect' picture here.