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Apr 11, 2013, 06:37 PM
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Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 1,486
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VenusHalley
So I have taken a course of Emotional Freedom Technique (aka taping). I so should use it, but for that I would have to write down my emotions and chose the biggest problem first.
And I don't wanna.
I am just afraid what I am hiding inside. Maybe it's not something that should be unleashed.
I am trying to balance quite a few things. Be there for few people, but it's taking toll on me. I need Venus time. Not Venus time carefully snatched between job hunting, being someone's shoulder to lean on... Venus time where I can unashamedly watch Eurovision videos or what not and not feel bad that I should be studying or writing cover letters and pretending I really wear pantsuit daily and happily and solving my living situation...
But I worry so. About if I will find a job, if I will be able to function in that work environment (not really bipolar thing. Bohemian thing... still). About my loved ones. About the state of world (I look towards NoKo rather anxiously. My own country is mess too).
And I feel again bit crazy. Paranoid. I will not furtherly write why (because I am paranoid about that  )... but it just lingers. Moreover I do believe it's not all unreasonable... just blown out of proportion.
Last few days... I have been bit out of it. Before falling asleep I experience... hallucination possibly? of dying... in many different ways. Seeing things, some disturbing (like illusions that my body is bleeding or on fire). I know I will get through... but it's taking toll on me.
In two weeks I am leading an international project. Need to be fine and enthusiastic for it. Maybe being around people for a change will help. Who knows.
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Hi Venus,
It sounds like you have so much on your plate, your stuff, others' stuff -and it seems that your mind is telling you you need some time and space for yourself.
I know what it's like to feel guilty about just hanging around and doing stuff for myself (doesn't feel productive, I should be doing x and y), but I really do believe that sometimes it's necessary and you sound like you need to give yourself a break. And between all these things you need to do for your day to day living/survival -watch videos! Do what you want and need to do to relax and get your mind off of things! Guilt free.
And I hope you feel good about yourself for whatever you're doing for this international organization. You've sounded like an activist of some sort to me from your posts, and giving of yourself (your time, energy, passion, etc.), as stressful as it might be in the moment, I think can help -and you can be proud of yourself for doing it.
It sounds like it will take time, but I hope you feel better soon, and take time out for you. Maybe this isn't the best time to delve into your most painful emotions? If not, there will always be a time for that, you don't have to do it now.
Take good care.
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