On occasion T has apologized when he has screwed up, but honestly he doesn't screw up too terribly often. Generally, if I find myself angry or frustrated with him, it has WAY more to do with my own "stuff" than it has to do really do with what he may or may not have done.

You mentioned your T said it was your choice to perceive and respond to the situation they way you did. I hate to tell you this because I'm not sure you want to hear it, but that very well may be true. None of us like to hear that we have choices in regards to how we internalize and personalize and respond to things that happen, but we really do.

Of course it sounds easy to just choose to perceive and respond differently, but actually doing so is so very, very difficult and painful. It sounds like your T was trying to get you to see a tendency or pattern in your own thinking and behavior that perhaps you need to work on. Boy, do I understand that! Been there; done that; have the t-shirt!

It completely pisses me off when T will bring my unhealthy, insecure, self-degrading thought and behavior patterns to my attention because they are SO hard to change. I'd much rather he just confirm and validate my skewed thinking; it is so much easier that way. Change is painful. But I wouldn't learn and wouldn't change and wouldn't grow and wouldn't move forward if my T just let me continue thinking and behaving they way I always have. I might not like his timing. I might much rather he "validate" my thinking because that would make me "feel" better, but the reality is that I've hired him to be straight with me about the places in my life that I need to make the choice to change, and sometimes his timing seems cruel even. But as the old saying goes: "You've got to strike while the iron's hot." If a therapist waits until the intense moment has passed, that window for true learning, applicability, and change may also pass. They have to make those tough judgment calls. Will they always get it right? Nah, but sometimes they have to take the moment and do and say what they feel needs to be said and heard in that moment and hope we are ready to take it in.

Therapy would be so much more pleasant if therapists would just let us be who we've always thought we were. Just not how it works though.