Quote:
Originally Posted by misskeena
Alright, so I'm kind of a worrier by nature. It would stand to reason that I would have to be; I'm all by myself in the world: I have no family around me, really. My immediate family and I don't speak and my aunts and uncle all live out of state. The closest they ever come to me is saying, "Hello," via Facebook once in a great while or sending cards on holidays. I don't have any really close friends, none who would take care of me should anything really bad happen to me. So I worry about things. But I've recently started worrying a lot more. I don't know why, maybe it's because I turned 35 two days ago and kind of started thinking about my future (I've started kind of thinking more about saving for retirement, I mean, I do already but...blah blah, whatever).
I'm scared. There are little things that I think about in the present like, what if something happens to my cats? Or on a bigger scale, what if something happens to my car or my apartment? What if something happens to me right now and I need help? I think about the future...who is going to be there for me in the future? It is looking very much like I'll never have a significant other. Who will make decisions for me if I can't? What if I end up lying in a nursing home? I just...there are so many things running through my head right now and I don't know where they're coming from but they're pushing my anxiety through the roof and I wish I had answers. I'm just scared for myself.
I don't expect you guys to have answers. I just needed to talk, that's all. Thanks for listening.
|
Thank you so much for this post. It screamed out at me, i can recognise so much in it. I too have absolutely no one in my life, no one that would take care of me, no one that would look after me if i couldn't do so for myself due to an accident or something. I have no family that i could even claim to be remotely close to, i have one sibling that i very occasionally exchange the odd text message with and that's it. A few years ago i found myself out of work with no money coming in and it waas then that it really hit me full in the face how alone i really was. If i couldn't find some money from somewhere i was going to end-up homeless it was as straight forward as that. Sure i had friends who said rubbish like give me a call if you need anything but it was all empty words and i knew it, when it came down to it there was nothing or no-one between me and the street (sidewalk). That's when you know you are all alone in the world. So yes i can totally relate to where you are coming from Miss K, it's a horrible feeling to know that there is no-one there for you, literally no-one if it all turns out ***** and you have no options left.
I even took an OD to see if it was possible for me to exit life if i found myself with no options left. It wasn't that i wanted to kill myself it was just i wanted to know that i could if i had absolutely no choices left. That's a very lonely position to be in so i totally get where you're at. To see everyone else out there with at least someone or some family to help out should the worst happen andd to know that you don't have anyone is the most isolating feeling in the world.