I am a teacher, and I am also a parent of 3 sons, so I completely get this from both angles.

I would suggest you set up a face-to-face conference with this teacher, but set it up through an administrator and insist an administrator (preferably the one directly above this teacher in the chain of command) attend. This will hopefully assure that you have witness to your concerns other than the teacher alone, and it should actually be helpful also to the teacher if that teacher is concerned about how you might be approaching the situation. Having that 3rd party involved is really helpful to all in involved in most cases. I almost always insist that an administrator attend parent conferences. It really does help protect all involved.

Hopefully you still have those assignments that you are questioning the grades on. If not, there probably isn't much to be done specifically about the grades at this point, but your concerns about a need for discussion/communication in those kinds of circumstances is quite valid, and an agreement should be reached that if a similar grading issue should come up, the teacher needs to get back with you to discuss the problem.

I've had similar issues come up on occasion with my own sons. If it is only a matter of a few points on a daily grade and isn't a huge impact on an overall average, I generally just let it slide. For instance, just recently my middle school son's English teacher didn't accept the fact that one of her questions truly did have two perfectly correct answers. I teach high school AP English, and I have a different depth of knowledge about that particular question that came up than a middle school teacher generally has. I know I am correct that there were two valid answers, but I'm not about to get into a debate about it with his teacher over a few points on one assignment. I simply took it as a chance to teach my son a high school level skill and let the points ride. No need to make a mountain out of a molehill in this case.

On the other hand, if there is a case were a teacher should have communicated something to me much sooner and the penalty for that lack of communication may have much harsher effects on my son's grade such as loss of eligibility, loss of credit, etc., I have no qualms about asking for what is needed.

You have to pick and choose your battles. I've had parents quibble about 5 points on a test that in the long run would have literally no effect on overall average, etc. Drives me nuts. I've had parents say I graded something wrong and have to explain to them the skills I had specifically taught to their student previous to that essay, etc. that their student specifically did not use correctly. It is a common problem for English teachers as our class is very subjective and parents often have in incorrect understanding of how we assess writing and reading skills. It is very different than from the much more objective subjects where answers are more clearly either right or wrong.

I've had parents sure that I've somehow wronged their student based on what they've heard from them who have called me or emailed me ready for a battle, ready to have me strung up in the nearest tree, only to realize as we spoke that they were only getting part of the story, or they or their students had misinterpretted something that was said, and once we actually start discussing the issue face to face things work out just fine for all involved.

If this really is a matter of vital and educationally altering problems that can't be lived through for the next few weeks, then of course, sit down and have a calm, reasoned, respectful conversation with this teacher with an administrator present. If this is a matter of nitpicking every point this teacher deducts from every assignment, even when a couple points here or there is honestly not going to make any long-term impact, perhaps you can just survive the next few weeks and move on to the next year.

Finally, are these issues that your son can and should be handling directly with the teacher himself? If this is just a matter of asking about missed questions on some assignments, your son should be able to go in for a private tutoring session to discuss those assignments. He would then be able to learn to advocate for himself, learn how to ask for explanation and reteaching if necessary, etc. Sometimes as parents we want to fix things for our kids that they really are perfectly capable of handling themselves; it is particularly a problem on the middle school level for some reason.

Have you suggested your son sit down with his school counselor or administrator himself to discuss his perceptions about what is going on with this teacher? Even elementary aged kids are quite able to bring up their concerns/needs with counselors and administrators, and often that is so much more empowering for them.

I remember when my oldest son was in 3rd or 4th grade, he was having some problems with some bullies on the bus and was quite upset about it. I could have stormed into the office and lamblasted the principal and demanded vengeance, etc. as unfortunately many parents do. I could have climbed on the bus and yelled at the bus driver or the kids themselves, etc. Instead, I asked my son how he would like to handle the situation.

We explored various alternatives. He could speak directly to the bus driver about the problem. I could speak directly to the bus driver. I could speak to his principal. I could go with him and be there as support as HE spoke to the principal. He could go to the principal completely on his own. He chose to have me go with him as support, but he chose to do all of the talking. He just wanted me there because he was a bit nervous about talking to him.

He did a wonderful job of explaining the problem and the principal was so respectful of his handling the situation maturely and acting as his own advocate. The principal thanked me later privately for allowing my son to handle the situation mostly on his own rather than helicoptering the situation.

Is this a situation you can help your son to find a solution for without your having to take it completely out of his hands? I don't know as I don't have all the details. I'm just throwing out the various angles to consider that might apply to this situation, or perhaps they do not. Just various options/avenues to consider.

Keep us updated.