I don’t know how to decide whether to carry on seeing my T or not.

Seven years ago I took my then young son to have sessions with her due to problems he was having with OCD. She helped him (and me) such a lot. He has mild asperger’s syndrome and around that time we also discovered my husband has it too. Stressful life living with him and the sessions turned into sessions for me – ongoing and longterm.

So, seven years on I still have (usually) monthly sessions. Sometimes more often if things are particularly difficult. Sometimes I can go longer – three months on one occasion.

I have a sister who has a schizophrenic type illness and that also has quite a big impact on me. Two years ago we lost our Mum and then a few months ago Dad died.

What I get from T is someone who listens, encourages and sympathises, says a lot of wise and useful things and generally keeps me on track with using my coping techniques.

I do have a couple of close friends and can confide in them. But I feel quite a lot that my life is really different to other peoples’. My family, especially my kids, because of the Aspergers on my husband’s side and mental illness on my side of the family, doesn’t do things the same way as other peoples’ families! I feel different. I always have.

I find myself avoiding telling friends certain things and telling T instead. Should I still be doing that? Shouldn’t I, by now, have found a way to trust friends enough and develop the two-way trust and mutual support that friendships are supposed to give?

I’m worried that I might be doing something wrong by continuing to see her. She says there is no limit to how long I need her. She gives me a lower fee rate. If I ever push myself to deliberately space out the sessions so that I’m forcing myself to rely on my own resources and not contact her then she tells me this is not wise or necessary and that I should allow myself to have the support I need. She maybe sees me as a carer- which in one sense I am.

I’m not convinced that I’m a carer! My husband might have AS but he is very intelligent and capable and has a good career. He does have a lot of stress related problems and reactions, yes. I’m often calming him down and sorting things out for him. That impacts on me and at times drives me crazy! His inability to give me any emotional support or to even reciprocate, converse normally leaves me feeling drained and very depressed at times.

I see the way things are in my life the way they always will be. The things that cause me stress aren’t going to disappear. So, does that mean I will always need support? It probably does. But should that support continue to come from a therapist or do I need to find another longer term solution?

I can’t imagine managing without T completely. I am very attached to her. She feels like a cross between a reliable friend and a therapist. It feels to me that we have a strong bond. But, if I forced myself to leave her then would I find alternative types of support – maybe in friendships or something else. I've changed a lot in the years I've been seeing this T - in a lot of ways I'm a completely different person! These days I can mostly just be me and not worry so much about what other people think of me. But, I think there is a strong chance I would just end up finding another T if I left her because I don't think (I may be wrong) that I could find whatever it is I get from having a client/therapist relationship in anything else.

I think once you have found someone who seems to provide you with the 'strength' you need then it is very hard to decide you can manage without them and provide yourself with that 'strength'.

What do you think? Anyone else feel like this?