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I think I realized what is the most scary thing for me in therapy, why I canīt trust my T. DEPENDENCY the most horrible thought of all! What if there will be time in therapy when I canīt deal with things and I will NEED her help to keep it together? I would be completely dependent on her help and her will. Brrrrrr My biggest nightmare of all.
Like you depend on people when you are child and you donīt have a choice in that but when you gow up you can choose not to let people use your needs any more because you donīt need to depend. Since I grow up I didnīt depend on anyone for anything even small stuff like opening jar. Iīm crazy like that. I keep myself save this way. If I can do anything myself I donīt necessarily need anyone. So if you donīt have anyone it doesnīt matter.
It is easy to get used to people help you with stuff and be there for you but it is not easy to get use to not having anyone once you need them.
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