Riotgrrl's catch that you might have influenced your family into thinking negativeky of him is greatt.

It is possible?

Very much so.

A case in point, both sad and funny, from personal experience.

Sixteen or so years ago, I had a suitor. No relationshp, but just formally a suitor.

He was a couple of years older, in the same school but in an advance degree program.

During the first semester, we had a few social interactions. I reported everything about him in my phone conversations with my older female cousin who lived in ny.

She did not like him. Not just a bit, no. She thought that he was an undercover FBI agent.

During the second semester, I took his class, and because he was very formal and proper in all he did, he withdrew from attempting to strike a relationship.

Then he completed his degree program and moved to la to work. From there, he would occasionally call me and propose marriage. I did not even consider the proposals.

Then I met and quickly married a guy who turned out to be a complete disaster.

Recently, I reconnected with the fbi agent. He now lives in london with his wife and young children.

He remembered the name of my son after sixteen years. I commented on it.

He said that he remembered because I was his hero and one the kindest and most intelligent woman in his life.

He and the family visited sf for a day on business. We got together for a glass of wine. He introduced me as his best student.

Impressionas. Lovely guy, lovely wife, pleasant looking and extremely well behaved children.

He is charming, warm, and with an infectious smile.

So I was thinking to myself: WHY did my cousin who never saw him think that he was an undercover FBI agent???

Until I realized that I INFLUENCED her. Yes, he looked odd on campus because he was a bit too formal and unstudentlike in his appearance and the way he talked. But he now has the same appearance andtalks in the same way but no longer looks odd. He is not a student but. A senior partner in london and how he dresses and talks is now in line. A bit too formal for a studnet he was, but not to the point of suspecting the undercover agent career...

I do not blame my cousin. I blame myself.