the last few days I just feel worthless and un loveable as a human being.

some of it is from partners just not giving me the time and attension I need from them. And a lot of comes down to that to some of them all I will ever be is a secondary or Tertiary.

I want and need to find an actual primary in my life i have this from my girlfriend but I don't have it from a guy.

and I keep getting told from people maybe I will ge this and maybe I won't and I am starting to just get sick of it.

my depression has been doing by far the worst that it ever has in quite a while. And some days I get why it does and sometimes I don't

worsely when its a comob of me having really horrible manic episodes as well as being followed almost immediatly by depression, when I am depressed I genuinly dislike myself and sometimes do wish harm on myself even though I have never gotten to that state.
as well as after the depression fades whats left of that feeds into my anxiety.

I am going to counciling and beging going into a DBT program. As well as I am on meds, and recently it does not feel like anything I am going is making a differnce like it used to do.

I am so upset....about this and I just don't feel as if I have any control I hate it!