I am trying to be ok, but it is hard to watch my mom disappear in Alzheimers. Somedays she is pretty lucid and sometimes she seems lucid but asks me the same question after 10 minutes or so of talking to her. I can't drive to see her because I just don't have the money for gas, so I talk to her on the phone alot.

She talks alot about how different to world is now, feels it is getting to be so dangerous too. It's hard to know what she is remembering too. It's just hard, she was my very good friend, not just my mom.

Sometimes when I go to that house, too many bad memories though, things she doesn't know about, things I will never tell her.