HI Java,

What you've written all sounds very familiar. Anything to dull the pain seems good but trust me, it isnt. To have better health, practice better health. Eat, exercise, rest, enjoy music, relax. Put things into your mind and body that promote well being and well being may follow.

Its kind of you to be concerned about family and friends. Thats love. Maybe a few of those you've decided not to harm anymore are more concerned than you realize and wouldnt mind sharing in your recovery? I dont know your situation so maybe that isnt the case but isolating is only going to make this harder. A lot of people here can relate. Keep posting.

Continue with therapy. Drinking is not an answer.