It has been really hard for me the past few years and its just gotten worse. I took a step this past Tuesday and am trying really hard right now not to undo the bigger step. I took yesterday. Tuesday I contacted a portion of my insurance that can help me find Drs of all sorts and was connected with two people by phone who actually seemed to care. One of them happened to be a mental health nurse and even gave me his extension and said that he would follow up with me this next week. I guess he could tell how incorrect in the head I sounded. And he decided that CBT sounded like a type of therapy I should try along with finding a good PCP that could of needed prescribe medications. Well I was anxious the whole time we were talking on the phone to the point I began "losing feeling" in my hands (when I get to stressed or anxious I start shutting off feeling to my body it used to be so I wouldn't feel SI). Anyway... so they searched for providers for me that are covered by my insurance for a therapist and a PCP I received the options from them the 11th and called and made appointments for both yesterday. Now I'm trying really hard not to call and cancel those appointments which would be normal for me I cancel everything when I start getting nervous or anxious about it. I know I really need to do this and get myself sorted out, but its hard for me really hard.