I think of forgiveness as a way of letting go of bad things that have happened in our lives. It helps me say, "Okay, this happened and it was horrible when it happened but it is not happening now and I can package it up now and give it to "Goodwill"." :-)

Forgiveness for me is a way of getting some distance and closure on things, of packaging it and putting a slightly different spin on it than it has had for me up to now. I think of some memories as discrete things. One of my good friends from high school and beyond (we're 62 now) had her "boyfriend" throw a brick at her in middle school and knock her front teeth out. It was sort of an accident; I forget whether they were just horsing around or if he was tossing it elsewhere and it hit her, etc., he certainly didn't "aim"/mean to hit her in the teeth! His parents had to pay for her expensive braces that brought all her other teeth "around", capped those two "new" front teeth, etc. I'm sure it was painful and a mess for quite awhile, several years, but think about it now; it's a "package"/a "story" with a beginning, middle, and end. That's sort of what I think of as forgiveness's job, to help provide that end.

To help myself with forgiveness, I do a little twist in the story, think of some good things that might have come about because of the bad situation. For my girlfriend, for example, she was probably going to have to have braces anyway and this way someone other than her parents paid for them. I had to have braces but did not learn that until I was 29 so had to take my own non-money out of my 401K to pay for them. Bummer. However, the good twist on that was that I started to learn to take care of myself and felt/still feel inordinately proud of myself for coming up with the money all by myself and not having to rely on my parents.

Think of all you've had to do, all you have experienced and worked through with getting rid of this therapist and getting back on track for yourself? We can't learn and grow without problems; if everything is going well we just sit back and let it go well but if we have problems, we have to "solve" them and in solving them we learn and grow. If you don't make mistakes, you can't learn. If you don't try, you can't learn and grow. You were tested and have passed through the testing; sure it was messy, ugly, and hateful but here you are, the other end! Maybe your ex-T "failed" you and ultimately herself and hasn't learned and grown but you have. Feel "sorry" for your ex-T as a person, she's not as good/mentally healthy as you are even! Let her go from your life, you don't want her in it anymore. You are working toward a wholly different, more healthy set-up that does not include her.