</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
radio_flyer said:
Life was grand. so I thought.....

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> That's why it has to be dug up; it wasn't grand and that did unconsciously influence you choice of crummy, abusive men. You had a crummy, abusive man in your childhood and kept right on trying to "fix" that only you can't fix the past with the present, you have to "go back" and help that poor, slimy, dirty-feeling little girl so she knows it's not her, that she's not slimy (never has been) and you have to make the dirt not stick anymore. Only then can she come forward and help the adult woman you have become be whole and choose men who aren't dirty, slimy-making, selfish, and immature. But it isn't really about the men, it's about you and your wholeness. You can't be whole with a lie in your past that you refuse to look at. It's there and has always been there. Covering up dirt on a wound with clean, white bandages does not help the wound, it just festers and eventually the pus and stink come through that bandage and the unattended-to gangrene means the leg has to come off entirely. You've got to clean the wound before it can heal.