I see that you have been a member of this community for over 3 years. I tried to look at your earlier posts but I'm not sure of all of your illnesses. I do understand how you must be feeling. I too have been suffering of feelings of not wanting to be here. I have tried many different meds inclucing Lithium, Seroquel, and Lamictal. None of these seemed to work. My therapist has suggested that I try DBT - Dialectic Behavior Therapy. You may want to research it. It's worth a try. I do a lot of research and I am trying not to give up. I hope this helps. Good luck and God bless you.