Rhapsody:

I tried to respond to your post yesterday but some how I couldn't get to it...maybe the same problem as I just had: I FORGOT to log in!!! A few more stupid mistakes and I'll have it down pat.

Your post yesterday was open, honest, insightful and a good piece of work. It quickly became clear that you are constantly comparing your appearance with other women, fearing they might be more attractive and sexy than you think you are. What a hell of a burden or strain! Not just the competition but the possible thought that hubby might go bannas over a total stranger on the street. We all...well, many of us... have a fleeting thought when we see a beautiful person that "Oh, God, I'd hate to compete with that person." But is a brief thought and quickly we regain our sense of reality--"It couldn't happen...my husband or my wife would not try to seduce her or him...or that good looking wouldn't have much interest in him or her. Then quickly our thoughts go to he/she cares too much for me and our relationship so it would never happen...and so the nightmarish fantasy usually goes away in a few seconds.

You have done something very commendable here: you have experienced a history of hurtful, inconsiderate, self-centered men and a string of terrible sexual experiences and apparently you have not ended up hating all men and sex. Instead, you have a fear of beautiful women. That is amazing and makes me believe you have the strength to reach your commendable goals of feeling secure, loving your husband, and liking yourself.

At the end of Chapter 14 of my book there are some ideas about how to stop bad memories or thoughts. See if there is something helpful there. You didn't say anything about your own sexual adjustment but maybe some information near the end of Chapter 10 would be of interest.

I imagine your post here might have been hard to write. I want you to know that I respect the courage it took to share it.

drclay