You're right, I've just about had with pretty much everything. I am done believing things can change, I will change, life will change, all of it. I am done believing I deserve to fight for a life I want. I'm done believing that I am important or that I matter. It's not true.
You're also right about me not wanting to bother with anything anymore. Yes, I do have myself to blame for the outcome of my life, but I can accept this. I know what I'm going through right now is real, it's hard, and it's something that I am not good at dealing with. I have no way out, otherwise I'd have taken advantage of it years ago. I wouldn't have gone this long in the same condition, day in and day out, if I could have done something about it. So, I just accept that I am the blame and that's that.
You've got a great attitude and sound determined to pull through. That's good! I wish that were me, but I've lost hope and I just don't think I'll get any back. It's too late for me.
Thanks for your positive response and the hug. I appreciate it.
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Originally Posted by allimsaying
It sounds like you're done believing in false hope. Ive been there. Its a pretty hopeless feeling when nothing around you seems real, or if it is, its someone elses party and you werent invited. 
Its a hard place to be but it can also be a turning point for you. So you've had it with the false beliefs and empty promises and you dont believe anyone anymore and you might not even be sure if you should be believing yourself?
Its hard and exhausting. Each day you wake up its the same anyway so why bother?
I suppose, for me, I bothered because giving up meant all my beliefs about nothing being worth it would then become true. Id have no one but myself to blame.
Its hard putting one foot in front of the other. If everything is a lie except the one thing youre telling yourself (that its all a lie) then you do have one belief. You believe everything is a lie.
How true is that, really? |