Hi deviantmoon ,
It sounds to me like you are very anxious and maybe social anxiety is what is preventing you to be in a conversation ,Have you been diagnosed with anything ?
There are a lot of things that it could be but only a professional can evaluate and offer you some answer's . I have social anxiety and it can be part of a lot of mental health problems but I would definaley try seek a good counsellor and talk about how your feeling hun X
Wish I could give you a better answer but I am not a professional and you DO need to see one .
Good Luck (((hugs)))