I can so relate to you Michelle25. I am there, have been there for a while now and am just not 100% understanding what that truly means for me.
I say this shelleygone to let you know that I too understand. I don't want to just add to the downer of that but only to relay if you need someone to talk to, I'm all for it. It truly sucks to feel like there is no one in your life that gets this to talk to. It is sad.
I still get up though and trudge along. I try to appreciate any 'good' time that comes and that is usually by pure force on part to get out of the house and make an effort but that is dwindling as well. I realize I am doing that for the others and not for myself soooo...anyhoos.
If there is anything in your life, small as it may be, that you could focus on that is not negative I would try that. That is about all I can offer other than the ear if you need it.
Major hugs to you. 
__________________
"Death is easy, peaceful: Life is harder"
"The Day You Turned On Me Is The Day I Died,
And I've Forgotten What It's Like,
And How It Feels To Be Alive" (Daughtry-Gone)
"And you always want what you're running from. It's always been that way." Bittersweet Lyrics by Ellie Goulding
"The reason I hold on, cause I need this hole gone." (Stay by Rihanna)
"The opposite of love's indifference." (Stubborn Love, The Lumineers)
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