Quote:
Originally Posted by JeffLawrence
Hello Moon,
Thank you for your thoughtful response to my post.
Yes, I have told her everything that I said in my post, and a whole lot more. The first time I brought up the issue of my feelings for her was agonizing. It has since gotten to be a regular part of our conversation.
I just went back and read your first post from March 17. I see that you are a therapist and a patient. I would like to know if you have had feelings of love for your therapist, and if so, does it ever become just a bittersweet memory. Somehow, even though I have been in love with her for about five years, and I think that I should be beyond that feeling by now, I still cannot imagine my life without her. The mystique of not knowing her personally, yet having such a strong desire to know this lovely lady outside of our therapy room, is sometimes more than I can bear. I got past my mother's death when I was 20 much easier than the idea that one day I will no longer have contact with my therapist. Sounds crazy, but a feeling is something I cannot control through logic. It is what it is.
Thanks.
Jeff
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Hello Jeff
Yes, I have experienced a deep love for my therapist. It has been very regressive, fearing she will be gone and I will die in the pain. It has been erotic and we have worked with what that means, I have raged and kicked and fought and hated, envied and shouted - and she is still there. Now it is (normally!) quieter. I have never felt loved so deeply, nor have I loved so deeply - it has been profound. I, like you, often tell myself I should be done by now, but I also know that such work does take many years, because it can only be done in little bits because of the pain and us having adult lives to lead too.
Truth is, if we knew them personally, the transference wouldn't be there so powerfully, and we couldn't do this work. The frame needs to be that way to enable healing but I hear how painful it is for you.
All I can do is assure you that it does get worked through and gradually the transference becomes resolved. Then the love you feel will be more inline with a comfortable adult love, rather than the desperate and frightening feelings we experience when we are intouch with infant survival/attachment needs and fear of annihilation.
I remember saying to my therapist it would feel easier if my own mother died than her - what you are feeling is absolutely normal.
Fortunately (not for her though!) my therapist has been through it too - so she is able to understand how painful it is - especially the longing that you describe.
Hang in there Jeff
Moon
