Thank you Rohaq
It is nice to get some feed back on a subject I am feeling quite alone on. Since I am in the Yoga community I almost feel as though it is taboo to talk about anything that is negative. It seems that any bad emotion is labeled a projection and then thrown back at the person who is hurt. This in turn is shaming and has made me feel as though this is all my fault in some way. The times I did open up and reach out for support I received responses such as this
" just let it go, its in the past"
" what bothers you about someone else is just a reflection of what you dont like about yourself"
" only you can end your own suffering"
" we are all love, so dont dwell on negativity"
Since then I have bottled these deep feelings of grief inside for the past few months for fear of being judged negative and dwelling.
Yet no healing has taken place. Instead I find I am getting resentful towards positivity pushers and even twitchy and triggered by new age one liners such as
" follow your bliss"
" change your thinking to change your life"
"manifest abundance"
"everything is an illusion"
I have begun rebelling against this superficial joy and instead dove deep in to volunteer work at the crisis center which revolves around suicidal callers. I am also involved in a homelessness committee that has me introduced to many people who who have suffered deep trauma and isolation for much of their life.
Although to some this may seem negative, I actually find it refreshing to be around people who are being real and are in touch with their pain and so called shadow. Their openness and vulnerability is humbling. ANd I feel I have learned much from this experience.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rohag
Hello & Welcome, Yodadoll!
In any event, I doubt any mental gymnastics will relieve you of the need to grieve a friendship that was. Your friend is not now in a position to assist you through these difficult days. Do you have other possible supports?
Please keep posting. Your pain and confusion are welcome here.
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So in answer to you. No, at this time I dont feel there are many people who are understanding of the complicated situation I am in. My friend Jaromey, whom I am hurt by, was the only real person that I told everything too.
Right now I am feeling confused at her quick change of heart.
I am feeling abandoned and rejected.
I am feeling envious at her ability to be so casually happy while I am struggling so deeply.
I am feeling shame for having these feelings when I am told that I need to just use positive thinking to wash them away.
And I am feeling vulnerable at the fact that the one person whom I had opened up so much to and knows all my secrets and fears, seems to have no care for me what so ever.