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Apr 14, 2013, 02:37 PM
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Hi Friends,
Just when I want to log off on my laptop and try to organize my apartment to prepare for my upcoming move next month then who should call but my ever screwed up Mother to tell me she IS NOT coming over because of her chronic pain.
Well that's fine however just don't call at all. I've already resigned myself to having no one to talk to, trying my best to watch the ball game, drink my coffee and just try to get through my damn day! I'm not wired for all this damn lonliness cause I'm a family type. I like cooking, entertaining, laughing having fun. NONE of this I get to do.
My Mom is such a drag. But I don't mind if she stops by. But don't call to say you can't come by I'm already depressed and trying to get through the day as best that I can.
So Mom says "Well what about tomorrow" ?
Tomorrow? Hell that's a long ways away! Is what I want to say.
I'm just taking things ONE DAY AT A TIME here!
So I say to her that tomorrow isn't possible I'm already committed & since I ride the bus I don't know how long I'll be since I have to go to the other side of town riding the bus.
I had said to her:
"If you want to come by & wait for me that would be fine"
I figured since we both have cell phones we can coordinate or whatever.
She just WILL not work with me. Since I have a schedule of important things to do I feel that she just does not care or is willing to even work with me.
She is always throwing a wrench to further add to my depression. Here I haven't heard from her in 2 days all because I just tired of her same monotonous conversation of:
"I went to the Doctors today to get my foot checked"
OR
It's her shoulder
OR
Something else
Never does she ask how I'm doing, it does come up but its like she performs this as something obligatory.
So I only have HER call me and I focus on myself.
Even when she calls she manages to aggravate an already tenuous situation.
I just said to her:
"Its not necessary to call to say that your not coming over"
I further added
"I already assumed that you wouldn't be by today"
Mom should call me when SHE IS coming over then I'm happy about that.
I'm already dealing with ALOT of lonliness in my life & here she is adding fuel to the fire.
Oh how I wish I could have a Mother with a normal functioning brain.
She never seems to get any better.
And theres nothing I can do for her.
I've given her plenty of suggestions to take care of herself the list is endless.
1) Join the senior center
2) Get out of the house
3) Volunteer at the local Catholic Church you belong to
4) I've helped her to apply & get on Paratransit transportation those shuttle type vans for seniors so she won't have to drive & she can get a personal type of transportation to take her anywhere she wants.
Since I really got nothing in the way I should have growing up and I mean nothing because I was so totally neglected.
Mom would come home from work, saying minimal to nothing she would fix a bowl of cereal, then go right up to her bedroom then shut the door.
Leaving me a 16 yr old confused and standing alone in the kitchen feeling so depressed and thinking that life is always like that moment.
i.e. full of people coming home & just going straight up to the bedroom without so much as a "how was your day today"
I think its why I decided to never marry.
How I feel now?
Don't really know I want to try to get some stuff together to prepare to move out, perhaps make a list of what to do & what I'll need.
And heading out to the store for more brown rice.
I guess I'm confused today.
Which is what I'll put on the mood meter here.
I really don't know what its like to have any kind of stable minded family that actually cares about what is going on with me.
I just have no idea what that's like!
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