I feel the same way often. Unfortunately I can't kill myself without hurting someone else. So, I found thinking of just being dead soothing. A way to let go of everything. It helped keep me going, oddly.

But things got better when I saw what I was missing and could take action on it. I can't say that applies to you; not everyone is wired that way nor is missing something factual as I was.

Sometimes I had to escape to fantasyland - what if everything were perfect. Eases some pain.

George Carlin: you're human; you're guilty. On the other hand, punishment is not really effective rehab. It's like revenge, kind of a sick attitude, from a certain point of view. So, if I believe that, it helps me stop being that way to myself sometimes.

Just wracking my brains here for you, BF. It may be none of it is useful, but I hope it isn't worse than useless.

Well, my draft is printed - I must go back to work.