And some finally good news before I stop updating this thread every single day (it seems like it!) ...

I'm now unemployed.

Still not sure how I feel as of yet though.

Resigned from my job, and I've got more time on my hands. But my mother hopefully won't find out about said "quitting of job" or else I will be in much trouble. Oh wells.

And in other news ...

On top of the counsellor I'm seeing infrequently (every 3-5 weeks) I may have another person as well who's going to help me. He's nice. I've been able to be honest with him two weeks in a row now and show true emotions, and for me that is an extreme oddity. So that makes me happy. He actually asked me how I was and asked me if I thought I was just stressed, or if it was SAD or if it was depression. Asked all sorts of questions and didn't pretend to know everything. There's something to be said about the new therapists, I've found that they're pretty darn good. So yes, I told him I was depressed. He's going to listen to me and help. Its a good deal.

I still feel really lousy. As in I was crying this morning, not getting enough sleep, not eating enough and my cognitive distortions have gotten much louder and won't shut up. Oh, and I'm voicing them to people. Without meaning to - oopsies! I'm pushing them away because I don't feel they should put up with me ... I just don't know what other people see in me.

I'm not important. I never will be. I'm too broken to be fixed. And perhaps its better for me to be in isolated misery than trying to get along with people and get better.

Just my opinion mind you.