I agree that comparing yourself to others is probably one of the worst things you can do, *especially* when you are already down to begin with. But at the same time it's hard not to; in fact it's most often the first place we go, mentally. I often compare myself to my friends and end up feeling completely crappy abot myself. You're right that it's not fair to have to go through this. Who knows why it happens to some and not others? I feel bitter sometimes that I've always tried my best to be a good person, worked my *** off at jobs, worked my *** off in recovery and barely gotten anywhere...and all around me people who don't seem to have to work for anything get everything they want, or a lot of it anyway.

And I know some of them look at me and can't understand why I don't work harder for certain things, why I can't hold down a job, why I don't drive, etc etc. I get these kinds of questions from people.

I guess for me I have to keep it real simple. My life is hard enough without worrying about what I have or don't have. I'm not saying it's easy; it's bloody hard. But when I think about why this is happening to me, and why life isn't the way I want it to be, and if I'll ever have any semblance of a 'normal life' when some days I can barely manage to tie my shoes, I literally go crazy.

It's important to not only allow time to heal, but also space: mental and emotional space as well as physical.

I hope you are able to find some healing around all of this. And if it helps, you can PM me any time.