solost,

I am sorry that you're in such a difficult position with your hub as he is going through a rather difficult time with establishing and maintaining proper visits with his daughter. If your husband and his ex-wife were to sit down and talk about this, it sure would help! Their behavior is NOT helping their daughter establish a real strong sense of belonging in your household, due to the stress ~ which she certainly picks up upon.

Your step-daughter is innocent. I know that it may not feel that way to you some of the time, but she really is. It concerns me that your husband and ex-wife have not put their daughter ahead of their frustrations with one another, and chosen to deal with one another better, for their daughter's sake!

I can understand how it feels easier to be angry with your step-daughter, than it does to speak up to your hub about your very real concerns and emotions about the family that you two share together. Your step-daughter is young, and likely does get a little bit of enjoyment out of all of the chaos ~ but she'd be a lot happier if the home life weren't so chaotic and stressful.

Please do seek some assistance with a therapist ASAP. Hopefully, they can put help by putting things into a more understanding way for you. Very best wishes to you! Welcome to Psych Central, and please do let us know how it goes, okay? Take care!