Dear Myoasis89, I know the feeling of not being loved. It hurts so much. Being lonley is so painful. At least here you can pour you heart out and people will accept you and care about you.
Maybe I'm wrong but it seems to me that you need to forgive yourself for making normal mistakes. You sound like a good person and that's what matters. I the bf makes you feel bad then get out of there. You don't need that!!!!!
Hope you feel better.