Quote:
Originally Posted by moonlitsky
If a therapist has worked transferentially in their own therapy they will have found that the erotic is an expression of something very early, that early relationship at mother's breast, which is infact incredibly erotic for both mother and baby - it is a vital part of our development and the blueprint for all future relationships. It is a very beautiful thing. So it is normal, when experiencing the care and attention of our therapists, for these feelings to be stimulated - in a need for reparation, in response to feeling close and connected. But because we are no longer babies or little ones and are now adults, these early erotic feelings often get translated into adult sexual feelings - and that is quite normal - and ok!! It can also be very frightening - I remember when it first happened to me, a heterosexual woman, with my first female therapist (who didn't get it at all and hurt me terribly), that I was very confused and frightened. I couldn't understand why I felt sexual towards her and it scared me. I have had friends who fell in love with their elderly male therapists - that was equally confusing to them until they had understood and worked with it in their therapy.
Moon  |
Moon, I'm very much interested in what you posted above. When I first saw a T, years ago, I thought my feelings for her were sexual. She told me something like what you wrote. She said they were sensual, not sexual. I've been seeing my current T for about 3 years. She does IFS, SE, and EMDR. In the beginning, a child part hesitantly held her hand because it felt safe and wonderful. It never felt sexual. However, I got very attached to her and once when she tapped on my knees during EMDR it did feel sexual. I like my T very much, and always thought I was straight, but the touching felt "too good", as I called it. We didn't touch during EMDR anymore, but holding her hand still felt safe.
This year we are doing a lot of SE, somatic experiencing. Once we did touch again, and it stirred me up. I wanted to hold her hand but she wouldn't let me. She said that she felt something sexual in the room. We discussed what happened, and she believes me that holding her hand never felt sexual. She knows my child parts want to be loved, but says it makes T about her, not about me. I agree with that, but my question is this. Can it be both? Can most of what I feel for her be the way you describe it in your post, that the infantile needs get sexualized because I'm an adult? I don't think my T understands that. She keeps talking about how most people are bisexual, and if I am, she doesn't judge me. I'm going to read some of your post to her, if that's okay with you. And, by the way, I'm married for many years but for a long time we haven't had much of a sexual relationship. So I think some of those needs ARE met by my T but in general, the love feels like you describe. Thanks again, for your helpful posts in this forum!