As many of you know I have been extremely depressed and suicidal.

Well, my PDOC has finally come on board. He knows it is hard for me to leave the house so we have been talking on the phone.

We talked yesterday and decided on 4 ECT treatments inpatient.
These would be done in my insurance network at a prestigious teaching hospital in Philadelphia, which is a half hour away.

A few days ago I asked my husband if he remembered if the ECTs I had in the past helped. He said yes, especially in the beginning.

Yesterday after I talked to my PDOC, I told him the plan.

Well, he went into a rage. He says to me you don't listen to me or understand. You are not depressed you are lazy and need to get off your a..sss. No way are you going in the hospital or having ECT.

He can be very spiteful and mean when I go against what he says.

I just want to break out of this horrid depression. But if he isn't behind me it could be very very very difficult!

Just need some advice

What he doesn't know is I have 400 mg of Ativan. I refused to continue living like this.