Have I mentioned lately how much I love my T?

*** Trigger warning for CSA ***



So, over the weekend, I had a bad CSA flashback triggered by a song on the radio. It hit me out of the blue, as the bad ones seem to do. I reminded myself that I'm grown up now and safe and I tried to picture myself in a very safe place. That turned out to be T's office, so I had the image of sitting with T in his office in my mind. Instead of that grounding me, that image merged with the CSA image in my head and somehow my abuser changed into T. It freaked me out.

So this morning I saw T and I debated whether I could tell him about it. I started to talk about the flashback, but I shut down trying to tell him the whole story. I finally managed to get it out and he was awesome. He asked for details and when I balked (I just couldn't tell him what the abuser/he was doing), he was perfectly okay. He said that it made a lot of sense to him that the images merged, since the original situation involved a situation where I should have felt safe, but wasn't, which, at least for a part of me, is similar to feeling safe with T, even though I actually am safe there.

I'm starting to think that there really is nothing I could say to make him run screaming from the room.