> I hate my life, feel completely hopeless every day and spend a lot of the day sobbing & in bed.

I've felt like that SO OFTEN. Even this year and last year. Then I was able to find something I could fix, and I feel a bit better. It is hard to know what to do, and I don't blame you for collapsing. Come back more often and say how you feel. I've seen your posts, but can't remember anything specific, but I had a good feeling when I saw your name, so I am sure you can make friends to relate to here.