Spoke to T again this afternoon. He was checking on me to see that I had contacted my pdoc (which I hadn't quite yet at that time). I had called and made an appointment, but it isn't until next Wednesday. T wasn't comfortable with me waiting 10 more days to speak to pdoc, so he managed to convince me to call for phone consult.

T used an analogy that completely "feels" like what is going on with me. It is like I am in a car and the accelerator has gotten stuck, but now I'm at the top of a hill about to go careening downhill and there is a brick wall at the bottom that I'm about to hit. He reminded me that I can crash in a matter, not just of days or even hours, but that he's seen me crash literally in a matter of minutes. I had forgetten that, but he sure hasn't; he said my ability to crash so fast scares the heck out of him.

So, I put in a call to pdoc, and he got back to me just a few minutes ago. Back on the lithium but at double the dose he had me on previously (still not as big a dose as I've taken in the past, but should kick in well). No wellbutrin at this point as it can be activating. He's also calling in something for sleep. I'll go pick them up later.

Today the mania hasn't been so pleasant which is one of the reasons I realize I'm about to head down that hill. My thoughts are racing and really scattered. I jump from one task to the other, one activity to the next, one thought to the next constantly. Makes it really hard to complete anything at work to any satisfaction. Starting to feel my anxiety level rising.

I'm dreading the crash that is on its way. This is not going to be good.