Alright, so I'm kind of a worrier by nature. It would stand to reason that I would have to be; I'm all by myself in the world: I have no family around me, really. My immediate family and I don't speak and my aunts and uncle all live out of state. The closest they ever come to me is saying, "Hello," via Facebook once in a great while or sending cards on holidays. I don't have any really close friends, none who would take care of me should anything really bad happen to me. So I worry about things. But I've recently started worrying a lot more. I don't know why, maybe it's because I turned 35 a week ago and kind of started thinking about my future--retirement, who will take care of me in my old age, and even death.

I'm scared. There are little things that I think about in the present like, what if something happens to my cats? Or on a bigger scale, what if something happens to my car or my apartment? What if something happens to me right now and I need help? I think about the future...who is going to be there for me in the future? It is looking very much like I'll never have a significant other. Who will make decisions for me if I can't? What if I end up just lying alone in a nursing home? I just...there are so many things running through my head right now and I don't know where they're coming from but they're pushing my anxiety through the roof and I wish I had answers. I'm just scared for myself. My T says that it sounds like I'm just very lonely and I suppose that's right; I am very alone. My best friend says that I need to make a list of the things that I do have right now: my apartment, my job, my car, my health...but those things could be gone in an instant, you just never know. It makes me scared to think about. And then what would I do? I have no savings safety net. I have no safety net whatsoever.

I don't expect you guys to have answers. I just needed to talk, and maybe to know that someone else understands how I feel.