oh, grace - i'm sorry things are so bad. when i was depressed to the point that i didn't get out of bed, i started making goals for myself. my first goal was to open the curtains in the living room everyday. that's it. just open the curtains, then go back to bed if i wanted. that was my goal for several days. the next goal i set for myself was to sit in the living room, even if it was only for a minute. eventually, i worked up to getting out of bed and hanging out in the living room on the couch for most of the day (with the curtains open). small goals, that i knew were attainable for me, helped me get out of bed for at least part of the day.

i don't know your situation, but are you able to get outside for a few minutes during the day? if you are, maybe try getting outside for a little bit each day. whether it's sitting on a deck, going for a walk, whatever - the fresh air is refreshing. seeing things like birds and trees (or whatever the scenery is where you are) can hopefully lighten things up, if only for a little bit. all that being said, i know the struggle of getting out of bed, and that doing anything, let alone going outside, can seem impossible. being outside, usually with music playing, was really beneficial for me.

i hope things start looking up soon.

(i don't want to imply that small changes in my routine, by themselves, were enough for me (though they were significant and helpful). i was regularly seeing a psychiatrist and was on meds.)