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Originally Posted by newtus
i was about 20 feet away.
over time ive had nightmares about it.
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That sounds like a terrible thing to see. I imagine a lot of people might have nightmares after that.
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i could swear that if i didnt do that then that was a setup to tell me to do that. like some sort of briefing or covert signal message. becuase look ---> young black female. with mental health issues. THATS ME. yea im half black fine. BUT...i could swear that that was some sort of covert operating system that was telling me to do that someday soon.
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I doubt there's a covert message here, newtus. If I see someone who resembles me on a couple of parameters - a middle-aged white woman, for example - doing something horrible, I don't assume it's a message to me to act the same way. But if there is a covert message, maybe it's telling you to take care of your mental health so you don't act out in destructive ways, small or large.
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and then over the past five years i would do things like buy knives and stab animals and draw pictures of people stabbing people.
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That doesn't sound wholesome. Why don't you find something to do with your time that doesn't reinforce negative thoughts and feelings?