I know about beating myself up. I think it was a reaction to the response I got from some people. I would let thier view of me become stronger than my own and in my attempts to better myself, I beat hell out of myself. Ironic?

I think it means you're shaping who you want to be. There's probably less painful ways to do that.

If we only hurt the ones we love, your doing a great job of showing how much you love. I think you want to be a better person cause then you can be more loving with yourself and in your personal relationships. Just dont kill yourself in the process.