So, part of what I've been working on the last week or so has been answering t's question to me at my last session. When I told t I'd played my hand and all the cards up my sleeve, her first question was, "What does that mean?" So I explained she now knew all my little secrets that I had been keeping from her. Then she said "So, where do you want to go from here?" I did not have an answer in session and told her I wanted time to think about that one. So....

I asked myself, "If I had to quit therapy immediately, what would be the things I regretted not talking about?" And only one answer came to my mind... and it terrifies the heck out of me. T is very much about me driving and directing the sessions. And I don't know how to do that with this one. I need her to help me and guide the talking because I don't think the words are going to come out otherwise. I don't know why I am so scared to ask her for this help. I don't know why I am afraid she will reject me for asking. But there's also part of me that says, "Dang it, I haven't come this far to just walk away and not deal with this."