hmmm, seems so familiar. I had a post in another forum where I had written that my ex's biggest BPD trait is "wanting to be wanted".
I hear you, everyone wants that constant in life where someone can listen to you.
I don't know all the details, but why doesn't J want to hear everything you might have to say? Is he maintaining some distance by choice, or something happened that he stopped listening to everything?
Good luck though!