[quote=adam_k;3009344]
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I have a difficult time trusting people and talking about what is bothering me. I also lack self esteem and I often feel like I am a failure and worthless. Maybe that stems from depression, or maybe it comes from past experiences and it feeds my depression. I'm not sure which. I especially have a hard time accepting failure and I am overcritical of myself. I hate myself a lot when I make a mistake. I also don't deal with critism very well. When I am critised I feel like I am a complelty awful person and no one likes me. I know that is a self created delusion, but I am not sure how to deal with it. I also have fears of people abandoning me. I think that is why I don't like to get close to people. It seams like everyone in my life gives up on me and I hate that. Maybe I push them away or maybe I just isolate myself and they quit caring. I don't know.
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Oh MAN this is SO me. I can completely identify with everything you wrote here...you have described me to the letter. I wish I had an answer for you. It definitely is a good question, as far as if it is learned or not. Maybe not learned, but maybe how we deal with things in the end contributes to the depression. I can definitely agree with the chemical imbalance part too. I think it goes hand in hand. Like if you have the chemicals for a pool to keep it clean, but don't know how to put them in, the pool can't stay clean. (bad analogy I know)
I mean, the meds will work on the chemical part, but if our coping skills/self talk is bad, we might as well be dumping tar into the water.
I hope that made sense. I wish it was as easy as changing coping skills/self talk. I hope I don't look like an idiot for saying this, I don't really voice my opinion a lot but you really hit the nail on the head with your post. I am glad you are doing therapy. That is supposed to help too!
