My T's receptionist just called and he had a cancellation this afternoon and wants me to come in at 4:00. Thank God! I think He's looking out for me.

I do think I'm sliding very quickly from manic to mixed to depressed and the slide sucks. I hate this. This is the aspect of bipolar disorder that people just don't understand. These extreme shifts in mood/activity level/energy are so very out of any ability to control. There is no psychological "root" to what is happening right now; this is very biological.

Therapy won't do crap to help "fix" this/understand this, etc. As T said yesterday to me, no amount of talking is going to make this better right now. This is a medical issue at this point that pdoc has to help get a handle on. This is when I truly understand why this is called a mental "illness", and I hate it.

What T will do today is work with me on skills to manage the symptoms while I wait for the meds to kick in an do their thing. That time and support system helps reassure me that if my symptoms reach a breaking point, I will have him (and pdoc) to call on in that emergency. It reminds me of the steps I need to be taking, the warnings I need to keep look out for, and the decisions I will need to make if and when I see certain things happening to me symptom-wise.

Did I say I hate this? Sorry. I'm in a mixed bipolar state right now which comes across as really angry and irritable. I hate this.