Oh my friend, I know exactly how you feel. Gosh, I wish you had insurance.

Have you checked with Social Services about getting on Medicaid? Perhaps they'd put you on it on an emergency basis? You DO need treatment! Ask your doctor to perhaps write a letter that you could take to the Social Services office when you go -- then they MIGHT give it to you if he SAYS that you need treatment BADLY!!! Ask him to stress how badly you need it.

Dearheart, I do know how awful you feel. I too have severe depression (clinical depression) and without medication I slip into the pits of hell. I've been depressed like this since I was a very small child -- about 3 or 4 yrs old. I didn't get treatment until I was in my 20's because my parents were too busy getting drunk.

I still sometimes get the "racing thoughts" even with medication and it drives me nuts. I don't have any friends either. They all dumped me when my husband died. I guess a single woman in a "couples only" society isn't wanted. He died 12 years ago, and I haven't seen or heard from them since. Some friends, huh?

So I get lonely, as I'm sure you do too. I avoid going out in public. I live in a tiny village --- about 700 people, if that. If I need to shop, I have to drive about 25-30 miles. We have 2 convenience stores for little stuff.

WHY ON EARTH DO YOU FEEL GUILTY FOR WRITING??? Heavens sake, don't feel guilty!!! You're hurting and that's why we're here! To support one another. You are supposed to write, sweetie! Don't EVER hesitate to post here. EVER. I want you to CONTINUE to post too, okay? We're all in this together. And together, we'll all get better, okay?

So go to your doc and ask for that letter stating that you NEED Medicaid!!! Cause Medicaid in most states will PAY for therapy. Let me know what happens, but in the meantime, keep posting. Big hugs, Lee