Saw T this afternoon and he wants me in the hospital now. In fact, he really wanted my husband to drive me directly from his office to the hospital. That didn't happen. I don't have a job I can just drop and walk away from without a bit of preparation. I also need to get bills, etc. in line here at home; my husband's memory problems makes him unreliable at best about remembering to do such things.

I came home and gave my pdoc a call. He called right back and agreed with T that I need to be in the hospital where I can have more constant support and my meds can be adjusted more aggressively. He would have liked me to check in tonight also, but that just isn't a possibility.

My plan at this point is to get instructions together and grades as updated as possible tomorrow so that I can walk away without the stress of leaving my classes in a shambles in more ways than one. Next week is state testing, so I won't be seeing two of my 3 classes for 3 of the days next week anyway, so I can be gone and not feel like I'm missing to much instructional time with students.

Pdoc told me to call him tomorrow if my plan is to check in tomorrow evening which I think at this point it is if I don't chicken out between now and then . I'm really not scared to go; in fact, I think it will be a relief to be there because what I am feeling and experiencing right now is very uncomfortable and frightening in its own right. I know the hospital will be safe and intervention/help will be at my immediate disposal.

I just put in a message for T to call me tonight. Hopefully I'll hear from him in the next hour (assuming the pdoc who is on call in his office listens to the voice mail -- I'm sure he will; they haven't failed me yet.)