I feel ya, Coco. Even though I've always known something was wrong---and bipolar explained it all---I still go through moments (like now) when I wonder WHY??? Why did I have to get this stupid thing? Why has it gotten so bad now, in later life? Why can't I go back to the days before I knew I had it and live in blissful ignorance?

So no, I haven't fully accepted my diagnosis yet either, even though I know in my heart of hearts that it is part of me, always has been, and always will be. I hope I'll become comfortable with it someday, or at least be able to call a truce with it. I wish the same for you.