Hey again guys, I haven't slept :P I replied last time without realising you posted hamster! Just a quick explanation if you/anyone is curious - Jungian interpretations in this area hypothesize men to have a dominant streak and women to have a submissive streak (as seen with most mammals, in a purely physical way to encourage sex), as human psychology is more complex than animals, so is this relationship between dom/sub, sometimes it extends into the nature + psychology of relationships rather than just the sex, the key thing Jung thought was that men also have a submissive streak and women have a dominant streak so the balance of 'power' is on a ratio with most being around 50/50 but leaning towards male being more dominant. However, with some people this is switched (more common with men) and the male enjoys being submissive which is expressed in many different ways.

(breathes) Thanks for your interpretation Hamster, I like that a lot, and your kind words cheered me up I can see why that would work, I think in my case power is switched with pride and this might be the real 'variable', as commonly power = pride. I'm a student at the moment so I don't feel particularly powerful but I have a lot of pride, mainly because of getting through very hard life experiences etc. (no idea why I enjoy that being taken away from me!)

I agree 100%, I think my ex's were both full vanilla and the more recent was slightly submissive - that was the problem. I guess i'm coming to terms with the fact it will be much harder to find someone right, as if its not hard enough ay. I've been on fetlife doing 'research' for several hours now haha, trying to make a few friends there already, thanks so much guys for the support and advice.

Thanks for the kind words DrSkipper, its also good to hear someone else complain about it a bit! I feel like i'm the only one who's unhappy about it, more than being the only one with it. But i'm coming to realise i'm still in the process of accepting and forgiving myself for this trait I have, and kind intellectual people like you all are helping me so much.