Please discuss these emotions with your pdoc or T. I have done this so many times, and I know my pdoc and T get so frustrated and it's a matter of time til they refuse to continue working with me.
You've come so far and tapered meds up to a therapeutic dosage, gone through side effects etc - don't give all that hard work up.

Unfortunately it's often only when we stop our meds that we realize how much they have actually been helping us