Things are pretty volatile for me at the moment. I think this "slip up" has turned into something more. It seems to have gained a lot of momentum and honestly I'm having a hard time even getting my foot in the door when it comes to controlling my eating behavior.

It's not only the binging and purging that I've been struggling with, but I've also noticed my self-esteem (what little there was) plummeting. When I get dressed in the morning, I mentally start freaking out: Are my pants tighter now than they were yesterday? Did my stomach really stick out this much? Have my legs just suddenly expanded, exponentially? Been getting stuck in this loop of self-deprecating thinking a lot more, lately.

Today, so far (mid-afternoon) has been going well, probably the best day I've had in several weeks. It's very touch and go right now, I'm scared to hope that I'll make it through the day without binging and purging because it seems that every morning I wake up determined to do better but ultimately fall flat on my face. Perhaps I'm a bit hypocritical in that regard, because I am very ashamed of myself for getting this bad again... well, it's hard, and I'm just going to take it a moment at a time.

So, talk about rambling... Thanks for asking though.